But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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