I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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