Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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