You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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