FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize