He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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