You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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