Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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