I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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