I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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