If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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