I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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