i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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