I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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