I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize