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i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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