she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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