i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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