Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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