I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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