I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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