He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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