It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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