you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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