I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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