I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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