I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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