it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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