Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize