I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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