You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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