sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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