Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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