we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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