DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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