youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found your dick twin last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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