dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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