u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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