I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize