Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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