I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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