I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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