with your own penis?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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