Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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