i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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