that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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