Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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