JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize