dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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