I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize